Judgement from other people shouldn’t hold you back in what you want to do.
Someday you might find someone who makes you happy and you decide to get into a relationship with them. Everything is going along well, you’ve done your dinner and a movie thing, told all of your friends about this person, and you can’t imagine being with someone else… (blah blah blah you get the point). One day you realize that this person is going to a school thousands of miles away from you, or that they’re moving for a new opportunity in their career…it may just be that their family wants to get out of the area.
Other long distance relationships start after you meet someone at a concert, festival, studying abroad, vacation, and then you realize you won’t see that person anymore when you have to return home.
Some relationships start up just by meeting someone online, and never actually meeting them in person. Ariana Grande for example dated Australian YouTube star Jai Brooks online before they met up in New York City months after.
People are hesitant to get involved in a long distance relationship. If you don’t try something out how would you’ve ever known if everything worked out at the end?
Here are common fears that prevent people from starting a long distance relationship:
This is definitely one of the top reasons for what many people in long distance relationships are afraid of. The reality is that you won’t be able to know every single detail or understand if your significant other is telling the truth or not. The key thing here is to understand trust. If you have a strong base for trust, then you won’t have to worry about cheating. If you don’t have a strong base for trust then the relationship is doomed no matter if it’s a long distance situation or not.
You’ve got to take the time to build up a solid foundation of trust with your boyfriend or girlfriend if you really want to turn your relationship into a long distance one. In my example, I spent time with my girlfriend the summer before I left for New York to really focus on the communication/emotional aspect of a relationship.
If you’re really concerned about them finding someone else, all you have to do is set down some basic consensus guidelines between each other.
- “Cheating is unacceptable, and the moment someone in this relationship cheats, the relationship ends.”
- “You have the freedom of choice to do whatever you want. I can’t stop you if you choose to be with someone else. Just know that the relationship ends if you cheat.”
- “We can’t ignore that other people will try to approach us, but we have to talk to each other about it and work out our problems.”
2. Your friends or family won’t approve
People will talk behind your back about you and your long distance relationship. This is inevitable. Once you come to the grips that everyone will be talking down to you about it, you’ll be able to rest easy and yawn at everyones criticism.
No relationship is perfect. Tell these people the next time they criticize you: “I don’t judge you and your relationship.” Or something along the lines of “mind your own business.” You can’t care what other people think.
This doesn’t have to be primarily with relationships. If you live the life searching for approval from others you’ll be able to take care of everyone except yourself. What a disaster.
When you’re away from someone you deeply care about for a long time, it’s natural to feel alone. During the first couple of weeks when you guys are apart, you’ll stay attached to your phone or laptop desperately trying to communicate with the other person.
You’ll have to face the reality that life is still moving forward even though you two are away from each other.
What did I do my first few weeks in NYC? I stayed up until 3am each night Skyping my girlfriend and talking about anything and everything with her. I listened to all of the sappy songs I could find on YouTube that talked about long distance struggles. Eventually classes started, and my Cross Country season kicked into high gear. I didn’t have time to feel hopeless. I controlled my emotions because I filled up my schedule, and you’ll do the same. It’s an adjustment period that will require you staying active with your life, despite the distance.
This isn’t a bad thing! You’ll now have more time to focus on getting to know the emotional side of someone as opposed to just the physical. You’ll make healthy connections with the new people you meet at the same time you’ll have the security of a relationship.
4. It won’t work out
You need to take a risk to find out if your relationship is golden. A long distance relationship is a test to see if you two can function without each other, and it will validate your trust. I applaud you for taking the risk to see if you two can survive long distance. The worst thing that could happen is that it doesn’t work out, but if you ended the relationship before the distance started how would you ever know “what could be.”
If you think that you’ll miss out on life because you’ll be in a long distance relationship then do yourself a favor and end the relationship yourself. There’s no use in putting yourself in a situation where you don’t want to be. It’s even worst for the other person if they want to be with you, but you’re not fully committed. C’mon man.
If you two work together as a team and you both truly want to try out a long distance relationship, you shouldn’t let fear paralyze you. You’re taking the leap of faith that many of other couples are afraid of.
5. You’ll get hurt in the very end
Why would someone who cares so much about you purposely want to hurt you? A long distance relationship is a huge commitment, and if they’re all in with you, then I promise you that you don’t have to worry about anything. The two of you need to work together with a common goal in mind: to preserve the relationship.
You can’t go out assuming that the other person will hurt you. This isn’t logical. If they wanted to go out and hurt you for their own selfish reasons they wouldn’t want to engage in a long distance relationship in the first place. It takes a phenomenal amount of energy, commitment, and trust to follow through in a long distance relationship with someone. Be thankful that you two are in agreement to stay with each other, no matter what obstacle comes between you two.
It’s fine to be worried about a long distance relationship. You can definitely feel hopeless if you only read content that tells you your LDR won’t work. There’ll be people both on and off the web that’ll discourage you, and you should laugh at them.